It was my best friend’s and his friend’s wedding and on the special request of the bride I had left my hair open and was wearing light make up that is if you call applying lipstick as wearing make up. I was never in favor of artificial beautification of my face.

One day prior to the wedding day the bride, my best friend requested me to leave my hair open instead of wearing it in the regular ponytail that I preferred. I agreed. Apart from fulfilling her wish there was something more to the decision. I wanted to impress someone. This someone happened to be the groom’s friend and I had met him more than a year ago when everything had started.

The engagement was done within a week but the marriage was fixed at much later date. The reason that was told was astonishing. It seemed that the couple wanted time to know each other before getting married.
It was at this point that Shekhar had commented that it did not make any sense because they were already engaged and if they wanted time to know each other they should have not got engaged in first place because if after knowing each other they found themselves incompatible it would mean calling off the engagement, which would not be good for the girl and her parent’s reputation.
We had a long discussion on this. Just him and I!
It was not a big deal anyways because the decision was already made and though we were good friends we did not have much say in this matter.

Of course, all of this was in the past and as it was now evident the couple had finally come to know that they were compatible with one another. The time they had taken to know each other was enough for me to fall in love with Shekhar. I seriously do not remember how it started, what it was that impressed me. Perhaps it was the stand that he took at the time of the engagement. In spite of being Sudhir’s friend he was concerned about my friend and her family or may be it had something to do with the way he treated me. He always made me feel special. I enjoyed being with him and the best part was that we met whenever Priya and Sudhir met to spend some time together. Priya’s parents suggested that we four meet so that the purpose of meeting is served as well as people do not get the chance to talk about them.

Though we walked out of the house as four, at a particular spot, which was always Shekhar’s favorite coffee shop, we used to separate… Priya and Sudhir went their way and we both went our way. There was no way to go actually, most of the time we spent sitting at the coffee shop sipping over more than one cup of cappuccino and then we walked a few distance to reach the seashore. Shekhar believed in walking. It served two purposes, he said. One, he was able to maintain his physique and secondly he got more time to spend with me.
Yes, you guessed it right…
I blushed when he said that.
Because I had assumed that the second reason for walking had everything to do with money. Perhaps it was but he never mentioned. Even after taking a cab to the seashore we had to spend time till we were sure Priya and Sudhir would be back at the coffee shop. This meant that the time spent walking did not have much significance.
Anyways! It would be a lie if I say that I did not enjoy walking with him. In spite of being the lazy kind who preferred taking the cab to reach any place I wanted to go and in spite of all the stress that fell on my poor legs, I enjoyed walking with him. I liked when people looked at us and I knew they saw us as a couple. Also, I liked the way his arm brushed against mine as we walked. More than that, I liked how he held my hand while crossing the road and always made sure that I was away from the running vehicles.

He cared for me and was protective towards me and I got used to being treated like that whenever I was with him. He was a good person, I knew that in the first meeting itself but as days went by I learned more about him and found out that he was strong, from outside as well as from the inside. Only male in the family after his father’s death, Shekhar had taken the entire responsibility on his shoulders at a very younger age. He worked in night shifts and completed his education. I liked him, I loved him and I respected him. Somehow, I knew that I had a secure future with him.
He cared for me, he felt protective towards me, and he liked me. My appearance did not matter much during those days. Almost always I was in jeans and kurta with my hair tied in a ponytail, in a bun at times when it was hot. I wore simple sandals without heels and I never wore make up. No earrings, no necklace or even a chain, no finger rings and only a simple leather wrist watch to keep me updated about the fleeing hours. That is all and he never commented anything about it.

Yes, I was happy every time I met him but somewhere at the back of my mind I was scared. Why? Because I was not sure how he felt about me and I never had the courage to ask him. Also, I was not sure whether my parents would accept him in my life.
Finally I gathered enough courage and told my parents about my feelings for Shekhar. They knew him already and he had come to my house many times to leave me towards the end of the day whenever he thought it was late for me to go home alone. Perhaps that was just an excuse to spend more time with me because almost everyday it happened to be late to return home alone.
Once my parents started looking at him like a possible groom for their daughter, they too believed what I believed. They felt I had a secure future with him.

So, I was happy. My parents had given their approval and now I had gathered enough courage to go and talk to him. I accepted my friend’s request to leave my hair open because somewhere in the corner of my heart I wanted to look beautiful, I wanted to look special for that special moment of my life when I would tell him how much I loved him. Then, why did I not like it when he said that I looked beautiful? Perhaps it was because of the way he said it.

I had dressed differently, my hair was open and I had worn lipstick. It was true that I looked more beautiful that day and it was bound to happen that he would find me beautiful and attractive like he did! He said I was beautiful but what he said after that hurt me the most. More than I could’ve imagined.
He said, “I never knew you were so beautiful!”
Was it not the simplest statement? Yes it was but at that time I did not like it. I had assumed that he found me beautiful whenever we met even if I was in the simplest outfit, without make up and no jewelry on me. So I did not like when he said that I was looking beautiful in open hair, a good dress, make up and jewelry on me and that he never knew how beautiful I was. All of a sudden I wanted to remove all the jewelry, wash my face and tie my hair back into the regular ponytail. All of a sudden looking beautiful seemed to be the ugliest thing on earth.

I did not want to show him that I was hurt and hence immediately I managed a smile but it was late for I could see it in his eye that he repented what he had said. I tried to change the topic, perhaps it was a welcoming change for him too and then the hurt never surfaced though it stayed inside my heart for many days.
The wedding was good! The couple on stage looked good together… made for each other.
But on the other hand, we as couple did not seem to click. I was feeling ugly. I tried to behave normally perhaps I had overdone that. It made him nervous, made him feel guilty. Finally I gave up on pretending smiling and excused myself saying that I wanted to use the restroom. Once inside the restroom I let the emotions flow. As tears rolled down my cheeks I wondered what it was that hurt me so much! I could not find the answer for it and hence decided to let time handle everything.
When I walked outside, the world had changed. It seemed as if it had taken a 180 degree turn. Everything else seemed normal. I searched for him in the crowd of guests hoping that I do not see him but he gently touched me on my shoulders and called out my name. I turned around to face him. I loved him so much, in spite of all the things but I had just flushed my courage down the drain in the restroom. The moment we looked in each other’s eyes I knew I would spend my life loving him and he would spend his without knowing that I loved him.
I managed a smile as he held my hand and guided me to the stage to wish the couple.
The rest of the day went in a dizzy state. Either I was emotionally drunk or the world was swinging.

Back home, I rushed towards my bedroom before my parents could see me in the drunken state. That night as I lay awake in my bedroom looking at the stars, I made a decision. From next day onwards I was going to look beautiful. My dressing table would now be filled with all available cosmetics and my wardrobe would be full of fancy dresses. If he wanted it that way, so be it.

The next day when mom knocked on the door, I was sprawled on my bed looking aimlessly outside the window. The old day had ended and the new day had begun. Mom seemed to be worried about me but I assured that everything was fine. She asked me about Shekhar and I said that I was going to meet him again to talk about us. I was not sure why I could not look at mom in the eye, perhaps she knew and hence she silently walked out of my room.

For what seemed to be the last time in my life, I wore my jeans and the kurta and walked out of the house. My first stop, obviously, was shoppers stop where I bought a few things for myself, actually… a lot of things. Next on the list was the jewelry shop, which I decided to visit later, with my mother. I was low on cash.
I called him up from one of the local telephone booths only to find that his mobile was switched off. I tried his residence number. It was attended by his sister. She told me that he had left the town early in the morning. How could I forget that!
He had told me he would be leaving Bombay for training in Bangalore. This meant I would meet him after a few months. How could he leave without telling me? I cursed him as I got into the cab and returned home.
Back in my room, as I placed all the shopping stuff on my bed, I casually looked at my cell and then I realized Shekhar had called me. My mobile was on silent and I failed to look at the mobile because of my state of mind.
It was no use thinking about it now. All I could do was, wait for his call once he reached Bangalore. I arranged the clothes in wardrobe and the cosmetics on the dressing table. I called up Priya to wish her for her journey. Priya and Sudhir were supposed to leave for their honeymoon at night. I thought I would meet her before she left but that did not seem possible according to her tight schedule, she said. I tried to make it sound casual, asked her about Shekhar and she said Shekhar was talking to Sudhir for a long time on phone before he left for Bangalore. Asking her about the details would have given rise to suspicion and hence I did not pursue the matter further. I just hoped that she would tell me on her own but she did not have anything to offer.
Finally I disconnected the call. When I looked up my mom was staring at me. From the look in her eyes I knew that she wanted answers this time and true answers. I tried to avoid her gaze and continued playing around with the clothes in the wardrobe.
I heard the door being closed and I thought she had walked out but when I turned around I saw that she was still there and she was bolting the door from inside. I was trapped. Dad had just returned home from office and it was obvious that mom wanted ladies talk. I gave in and walked in her arms. I told her what had happened. I thought she would understand me but she did not. She said that I failed to understand what he had meant to say. Finally she gave up convincing me and said that time will tell me.

Days went by. I waited for his call. Finally one day he called me. I attended the call and spoke in casual tone. When I knew it was his call the tone should have changed to an excited tone but by now I had learned to control my emotions. With the use of cosmetics I had learned to hide the emotions on the face and also from within. He spoke for some time and then disconnected the call promising that he will call me again. Did that mean he did not want me to call him up? I thought or was I assuming things. I saved his number in my mobile promising myself not to call him.
Everyday was the same for me without him. I woke up every morning, had coffee, had bath, dressed up, applied make up, wore a gold chain around my neck and walked out of the house. I had taken up a job to support my expenses. Not that mom refused to fund but I preferred it that way. The latest jewelry now resided in my jewelry box.



My friends were surprised to see the sudden change in me and from their expressions I knew they liked it. Perhaps they were now more comfortable in my company, or so I assumed. Assumption had taken the driver’s seat in my life, without my knowledge and my emotions? I don’t know whether they anymore belonged to the vehicle that I was!
Necks turned around in awe whenever I walked past. I had kept him as a part of me by picking up his habit of walking. I walked from home to the office, from office to the nearby park and then from the park back home.

I thought of him often but it never showed up on my face. I never called him and he did not call me either. Though I looked beautiful everyday, special occasions were the days when I got the chance to flaunt my beauty, rather beauty accessories. One such chance came my way in form of my colleague’s wedding. He was not a close friend of mine but then he admired me. He specially invited me for the wedding and I could not refuse.

Few hours before the wedding, I spent some time in front of my wardrobe deciding which dress to wear for the occasion. I saw my mom through the mirror; she had a strange look in her eyes as if she pitied me. She shook her head and walked away. I finally selected the dress and matching jewelry to go with it. I kept it on the bed and walked to the washroom. When I walked out after freshening I heard a knock on the door. It was open and dad was standing outside. He asked me whether I had time for a talk before I got ready for the wedding. I invited him and sat on the bed. I knew what he was going to talk about. The father-daughter talk was going to be all about the change in me.
“You look beautiful” he said as he pulled a chair to sit across me.
I simply smiled. I was not wearing any make up and if I looked beautiful it was only because I was his daughter and fathers always found their daughters to be beautiful. But what he said next surprised me …
“I wanted to talk to you about something important”
“Yes dad?”
“I like the way you are… now.”
I looked at him in the eye.
He took my hand in his
“I am not against the things that you do everyday but I want to ask just one question…”
“Yes?”
“Do you feel beautiful from inside when you try to look pretty?”
I stared at dad as he continued
“I just want to remind you that you are the most beautiful person from within. Don’t ever let that change.”
He got up, kissed my forehead and walked out of the room.
That was my dad… no explanations, no questions, just a few sentences… but these sentences were enough to change someone’s entire life.
They had changed my mother’s life when he had stopped her from getting into a wrong relationship and then she married him. Never was there any occasion when I had overheard them fighting over some matter. They never fought; they had unspoken understanding between them.

Do you feel beautiful from inside when you try to look pretty? Dad’s words echoed in my mind as I got ready for the wedding.

I wore the prettiest dress in my wardrobe… I saw my dad in the mirror telling me that I was not looking beautiful
I put on the make up and looked at the mirror expecting to see him there and tell me that I was beautiful, but he simply shook his head.
I put on the matching necklace and earrings and looked at the mirror, dad’s image whispered No and disappeared. And for the first time I realized what I had been doing. I was trying to be what I could never be. I could never succeed in looking prettier from outside if I was killing the beautiful soul within me. What was I doing all this for? Just because Shekhar had said I looked beautiful when I left my hair open and applied lipstick?

I brushed my hair and let it fall on my shoulders. I sprayed perfume and looked at the mirror for the last time before walking out of the room. This time I saw my own image shaking its head.

At the wedding I stood alone watching people going on the stage to wish the couple. I had given my gift to my colleague as soon as I reached the venue. Actually there was no need for me to stay there but he insisted that I wait for some time because someone really important was about to arrive. We had a deal to make with that person and meeting him like this would make things easier. My colleague told me that I was looking beautiful and if I met this person today he might very well be impressed with me and that may help us to finalize the deal. I did not know how to react. Was he trying to use my appearance to impress someone? I felt cheap but then I could not blame anyone. I was doing this to myself and doing it on purpose.

I looked around, waiting for a crazy guy to step out of nowhere, stand in front of me and say to me that I was looking beautiful. I could already feel his eyes all over my body. I had almost decided to walk away when I heard a familiar voice
“What is wrong? You are not looking all that beautiful today?”
I turned my head and saw Shekhar standing to my left. I was genuinely surprised.
”Hi! What a pleasant surprise!” I said.
I managed a smile and he asked me again, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing… why?”
“Something is missing”
“And … what is that?”
“You are not looking beautiful today.”
“Am I not? People here have different opinion. They find me the most beautiful person around” I said running my fingers through my hair.
“Are you feeling beautiful from within?”
I was shocked when he asked me this question. For a moment I thought I saw my dad in him.
“What did you just say?”

“Come with me…” Shekhar said pulling me at my arm. He took me out of the wedding hall and stared at me.
“You are not the same person I knew. The girl I knew was simple and beautiful from inside. This girl is desperately trying to look pretty but her soul is ugly”
Now, I was annoyed. Who was he to tell me what I was trying to do and that my soul is ugly?
“Did you not tell me at Priya’s wedding that I was looking beautiful that day?”
“Yes I did”
“And did you not add that you never knew I was so beautiful?”
“Yes, true.”
“Does it not mean that on the wedding day you found me beautiful because I had left my hair open and had worn fancy dress and put on lipstick?”
“No.”
This did not make any sense to me…
“So, is this what it was all about? You were hurt when I said that I never knew you were so beautiful?”
I simply stared at him.
“That day when I said I never knew you were so beautiful I meant to say that I had never seen you so happy before that day. That day there was something special in you. There was a special glow on your face! Your face was so radiant as if you were really happy about something. Remember, I always asked you whenever we met that I felt there was something always bothering you? At Sudhir’s wedding that look was not there on your face. Yes, it is true that you look beautiful when you leave your hair open but that day I was talking of your inner beauty.”

I remembered…
I was indeed very happy that day because I had told my parents about Shekhar and they had given their consent and I was going to propose marriage to him that night. So all the while Shekhar was talking about the happiness that was evident on my face? So my mom was right when she said that I had failed to understand what Shekhar had meant to say? My dad was right when he said that I was very beautiful from the inside and somehow that was changing? And I wasted so many precious months of my wonderful future with Shekhar only because of my assumption? Wrong assumption…

I was so deep in thoughts that I never saw Shekhar walking close to me. It was only when he placed his hand on my cheek that I felt his presence.
I looked at him and he smiled.
I managed a smile
“I love you” he said and I went in his arms.
“I love you too. I always have.” I whispered as I held him tight.
We stood there in each other’s embrace till we heard footsteps coming in our direction. We walked back inside and towards the dinner tent. The newly wed couple was having dinner when we reached the food stalls. My colleague called out my name and waved to me. He was shocked to see that I had tied my hair in a bun and according to him I was looking all messed up. When he saw Shekhar a few steps away from me he asked me whether Shekhar had seen me like this and I said yes.
He then told me that Shekhar was the client we were making a deal with and seeing my like this Shekhar might have been upset.
“Just shut up and eat your food.” I whispered. I smiled at him and walked away.
I walked up to Shekhar and put my arm around his and turned to look at my colleague. He looked like he was about to faint.

After having dinner we both went for a walk. After some distance we took a cab and reached our favorite spot. It was late and there were only a few people at the seashore. We walked for a long time holding each other’s hand. We selected a spot near the sea and sat for a while. As I rested my head on his shoulder everything seemed to be so right!
We both were silent. The silence was broken by the ringing of my mobile. It was dad on the phone.
“Hello”
“Hi dad”
“Just wanted to make sure you are fine. It’s late you know.”
“I have never been better dad. I am with Shekhar.”
“Oh. Bye then.”
“Dad…”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Come home soon.”
“Yes.”

After a while Shekhar came home to drop me. Dad opened the door for us and invited Shekhar inside. Shekhar came in and after hesitating for a while he asked my father whether dad would let him marry me.”
My dad simply smiled.

That night I realized that beauty is all that matters. But it was the beauty of the soul and not the external appearance.

The next day was a brand new day. I was back to normal. When I got ready to meet Shekhar and walked out of my room dad was sitting in the living room and he looked up from the newspaper he was reading.
The smile on his face told me that he liked what he saw. He liked the change in me
“You are looking beautiful. Stay that way” he said and smiled.
I walked up to him and kissed him on his cheek and whispered “Thanks”



Arti Honrao